Mind your business

Confession: I have a hard time minding my business. I do. I can admit this. I'm not referring to the business of who is at the neighbor's house, what happened to Johnny at work or who Susan is ducking. I don't care about any of that. My issue of the moment is worrying about someone's opinion on how they see or what they think about me. I go back and forth from caring to not. This sends me down the rabbit hole more often than I care to acknowledge. An issue I work on daily and still manage to fail.....daily.

Soo.. as a child I was taught that I need to be mindful of the things I say and do, because people will judge me. I think most people were taught to care about the opinions of others. It could be something as small as the opinion of a family member, the passive-aggressive coworker, a church member-who has nothing better to do but wait for you to make a mistake (preacher's kids would understand this one), Naggy Maggie-the neighbor who is alwaaays looking out the window or your crush that you just can't figure out. Most people become adults and decide they just don't care anymore. Me, lol well..I'm still working on this, unfortunately. This has played a major part of how I view myself for so long and how I deal with people. At times, I find myself walking on eggshells to prevent hurting someone's feelings or thinking it will push people away. Honestly, how crazy is it that there are times that I find myself worried more about someone's opinion of me than how I see myself?

Often times, this has made me more self-conscious and annoyed with myself. My Confidence just hit an all time low just putting this out there lol. It may be in my head (most things are) thinking more into things than needed, but not knowing how someone feels about me has sent me over the edge a few times. I know..I'm trippin. "Why care what people think?". I hear it all the time. Who caaares? I do. I care about opinions of those that I consider important in my life. I don't like disappointing the ones that I love, care about or want to care about me. Some days I just want to stay in my own bubble and not think of anyone.

I do have a few people that I share these insane thoughts with. My family and friends alike tell me the same thing; I care entirely too much about what someone else thinks. It will only make me miserable and that in reality, it really isn't my business what anyone thinks of me. I need to learn to mind my own business and focus on the things that I can control (ouch). What other people think should not affect me.. I cannot control someone else's thoughts so why care? It's ultimately NOT my business. IT IS NOT MY BUSINESSSSS.. Harsh truth.. The funny and sad thing about this is they are right. I do believe everything they say and it makes complete sense to me....and yet, I spiral

I gotta do better lol