Lemme tell you something...

I dunno. You may have already came to this conclusion, but.. I think I maaay be a lil crazy.

Sooo I'm realizing I like the idea of having a person and even liking him, but I can't deal with the emotions behind it. Maybe it's not really for me afterall.

An example, (hypothetically speaking🥴) I may be head over heels for a man. He could have started this whole thing by asking something as simple as how my day is going and I'm just like "awww he cares" **heart melts a little**. Oh.. I know. That doesn't seem like anything special, but I'm big on asking how people are doing. I can be self-absorbed some days, but I try to check on others. So to me, it feels nice when it's reciprocated. Come on how many men do you know that actually ask that question and seem to care about the answer? Exactly.

Anywaaays, now this man has me in a strong "like" right?! It's been some time passed and I'm feeling him. I see a future! I can see myself almost, kinda-sorta, feeling in luh **CLEARING MY THROAT** I almost choked (It's such a hard word to say). Days later, I'm looking at my phone like.. Not one notification? Turns my phone off and on again. Nothing. What's up? I send a message. No response. Hmm ok, he's probably busy. I'm thinking to myself...I'll give it some time. I decide to send another message hours later "oh hey, remember me?" annnd nothing 🤔. Now, I knooow he has looked at his phone atleeeast once in the past 5 hours and still didn't think to say anything? I get that he may have a lot going on, but really nothing, nada for the entire phuggin day? Pssh.. now he got me overthinking ish (ok really I do this to myself) and I wanna know what's the problem. We were just in luh and now...(In my heeead) I'm thinking the worse. Did I do something? I have killed him the man. Maybe he got into an accident. Oooh!!! No! he was robbed and they took his phone. I bet he's with that heaux and has been in a whole situation laid up in a hotel, got engaged and on to new things and has me over here sad and feeling stupid 🙃. I am NOW in ma feelings over a stupid text and I am NOT texting him again. I'm over IT, HIM and the whole SITUATION. Dramatic.. I know (I really can't help myself). Then guess what.. yup, I get a text and I'm smiling, feeling dumb while being irritated with him and annoyed with myself at the same dang time. Smh, I need help. Maybe I should read more books, get a new hobby or something. Whyyy am I liiiike this? No phuggin idea, but any man I deal with I try to give him a heads up from the beginning. I tell him.. Ya girl over thinks everything. I'm crazy and will drive you crazy.. Is this reeeally what you want to deal with? 🙃😂.. I think guys think I'm exagerrating being funny. Nope. This is real and I tried to warn you.

To my therapists (the real ones), that are reading this..**ahem** hypothetically speaking (of course), 🤔 am I trippin or is this called "Anxious Attachment" or something like that? I'm asking you, because this is cheaper than seeing a therapist lol and well... I have already self-diagnosed myself with all sorts of things sooo please lemme know if I'm on to something here.

I don't know why I can't accept the fact that everyone is different. I meeean I do get it.. I really do, but it's hard some days. I understand that I'm a little "off" and everyone is not as attached to their phone as I am and believe me.. starting uh first Tuesday of May next year, I'm definitely changing. It has been programmed in my phone and all. I just don't see how hard it is to send a 7 second (the most) text. "Hey crazy, before you go down that rabbit hole again..I'm busy. I'll hit you up as soon as I can." OK cool. See that wasn't hard and now I'm not trippin. For the moment..lol.