Do ya feel me?

I've been thinking about relationships and how we were told growing up that there is someone for everyone. I believed that up until last month.

Pleeease, let me explain. There was this person that I can probably, honestly say that I've had a crush on for many, many moons. Even when I was married (I know..✋🏼 hear me out) up until Monday.  I never acted on this crush the entire time I was married and many years after the divorce until recent. I was so juiced because I felt like it was meant to be and God brought us back together to finally get to know eachother and possibly be together.. I dunno (I'm a dreamer🥲)

Welllll... life has happened and apparently, we both have triggers and trauma🙄.. I honestly felt like my trauma should have kept me away from anything or wanting to be serious with anyone, but I think everyone has that what if moment. I figured this could be it, my last first kiss...First everything.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I really questioned it... well my feelings about it. We've been dealing with eachother for some time and the last few months I've been in my head.. like do I really like this person or am I stuck on who I thought he was or what this could be. Does he really like me?? or is he just a nice guy that doesn't want to hurt me? ..believe me, I have overthunk the thinking of all things thunk (doesnt make sense, but it does).

Unfortunately, with life, we have these imaginations annnd believe me.  I have a crazy one. For a while, I thought I was a hopeless romantic, but it turns out... I'm just hopeless 😔. I have a hard time seeing people for who they really are. That's crazy and it makes me not trust my emotions. I like the idea of having My person. It's not the first time I've felt this way. I love Love..there I said it. I like the feeling of love and feeling wanted. It's like an adrenaline rush that only one can provide. I also loved (yes, past tense) loving on someone else. I can't really say I feel anything anymore. I hate that just like that 🤌🏽 I can be over a feeling (for a moment) and think on somethingand want it back. I dont know if I'm trippin or if I just have too high of expectations. Who the heck knows 🤷🏾‍♀️...At this ripe age of "wth," relationships shouldn't be so complicated?