Compliments

Why is it so easy to accept something negative someone says to you as oppose to a compliment? Speaking for myself (of course), whenever I would hear someone say something to tear me down I would literally, think about it, question it, overthink it and soak it in like a sponge. They said it, so it must be true, because why say something mean just to say it? Yet, I find it so hard for someone to give me a compliment. There have been times that I may have decided to start focusing on looking "nice" and not just decent. So the very day I start this process of "caring." I put on a dress or cute blouse and some jeans (I knooow works in my favor😏) decide to put on a little makeup and I'm starting to feel a little confident about the day. I kid you not....As soooon as someone says "you look nice today" or "you clean up nicely" I start to feel a certain way and I don't believe them. I automatically think it's a back-handed compliment. My initial thought is "today?" Wait...did I look terrible the last time they saw me?.. Mind you, that person may not have seen me yesterday or even thought halfway as much about their words as I did, but in my heeeead.. they were being "funny". My self-conscious kicks in and I give up on trying to better my appearance. I want to be unnoticed.They may have meant every word they spoke, but I can't accept it and think the worse. Tiring... I know.

What I would liiiike to do is reverse my thinking. Hoooow do you unprogram the negative thoughts about yourself? I've tried the positive affirmations.. It works, but my overthinking kicks into overdrive and well you can assume the rest. The hardest part for me is letting go all of the past negativity. Not so much intentionally, but sometimes when others are hurt they cause hurt. It's a fact. Yesss sometimes it doesn't phase me, but past hurt...still hurts (when triggered). I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. Or am I trippin?